Tax Season over and An Appointment

We have had a busy couple days THANK GOODNESS happy tax day is over! I like taxes but human nature is to procrastinate the unhappy things so we get totally slammed not to mention I have a family of procrastinators (me included on a variety of things) and I always seem to be pushing out 3 or more returns on the last days of taxes at home. Now I dont seem to have much to do other then the normal mommy things 
I went to my first prenatal since my ultra sound and I did not realize it was going to be so difficult. Kept leaking tears almost the whole time so embarrassing. I think I should switch to a family doctor or an office with less pregnant women or newborns. I might adjust. I dont dislike them but they remind me of my current situation that will not have such an lovely outcome logically I know I cant avoid all people in this condition but emotionally I want to.
Some days I just want the world to stop so I dont have to reach the inevitable day of Tianna's birth. She is so alive in me and for now seems safe. I want to selfishly keep her for as long as I can. I also know that heavenly father has some other plan for her and I cant stop life or change his plan to suit my desires. I just wanted to mention the want was there. I have got to find someone who has dealt with babies with this condition like a pediatrician I know that every case is unique based on brain development but I need some input.

Telling others

Well after you get over the shock a bit and the grief you get to figure out how to tell others especially extended family you dont want them to be blindsided. Also you have to consider the kids your kids ages the cousins as your kids will need someone to talk to other then you. We decided to write an email I could not tell them in person and get it out. We decided to tell them within the first week after we had told our children. I happen to have two sister in laws and a nephew all due with there first babies within a month of mine.  This will make it a bit difficult as they will have baby showers in the coming months and I will have a constant reminder of what my child would be like after she passes. I know I can do this because I am strong enough to face this challenge with heavenly fathers help, to much is at stake to fail this test. In the email I told them the condition how we were doing and that we did not want to be excluded because it might get uncomfortable. We might cry a bit but just ignore the tears and keep going we will be ok. We did not want the family to have to walk around on eggshells around us when they should be enjoying their first child experience. About half responded to our email right away the others did not know how to respond or what to say. They still love us they just needed more process time most have responded by now most in person to let us know they are there for us and feel our grief but did not know what to say.

I also think you need support you have got to have someone to turn to when the day threatens to overwhelm you with grief or sadness. For some this is a religious leader for others its a good friend and even if they dont truly understand at least they can listen. Also what your kids carefully they dont always want to share how difficult a time they are having especially the teens. In our state we have a wonderful program called angel watch they provide various services for grieving families of children who pass away under age 1. We are  set up for our first appointment so they can help us get some counseling and decide what we want for Tianna's birth. We also have our followup ultra sound this week and have made a huge list of questions we would like answered we just feel like the doctors tend to just give you doom and gloom instead of educating you on all the possibilities. We would like a MRI to see better what the brain is doing as it is very difficult to tell on ultra sounds. We need to know what areas are affected since her body looks fine. What it means since the test for trisomy 13 and 18 came back negative does this change her chances? What interventions do we consider? how many heroic measures do we do? Where do you draw the line between suffering and life?

ADHD

ADHD can be very trying to parents and children. A lot of children with ADHD can be helped by use of caffeine, I know this sounds crazy but I am here to tell you it can make a huge difference. Of course it does not work the same for all children as everyone is different. However it has improved my daughter tremendously and I do not have to deal with all the nasty side affects of most ADHD medicines. I started doing this right before Christmas break as my daughter was driving her teacher crazy. She just takes 2 oz of mountain dew in the morning right before she goes to school this helps her not get so hyper later in the day. From what I have observed it tends to even her out for most of the day. However some days at around 3pm she gets a little cranky so we give her just a bit more so her mood stays even all day. The time might vary for each child so just be aware of how they are doing.
I like the caffeine because I can control how much she gets and when as she does not need the caffeine when she is home as it does not bother me that she is hyper. I do not want her drinking mountain dew all the time and could choose another drink with caffeine but I like to also use vojo mints. She only has to take 2-3 of these and they act just like the mountain dew they come in citrus, berry sour, and peppermint. She likes citrus the best but some other kids might like the others you get them at 7-elevens and other stores you can look them up online under vojo extreme.
I am not completely sure of why the caffeine works but from my research it changes the way the blood flows to the brain or something to that effect so when in most people it makes them hyper it makes most children with ADHD mellow.