a many day update

30 July
Well inducing sucks! Been here since 4 pm yesterday had cytotec got me to a 2 had foli catheter got me to almost 3 have epidural miserable now on pit taking forever starting to think should have csection.

Broke water about 1.5 hours ago then pit only at 4.5 have not dilated this slow since first child. So frustrated!

Tianna is here she is stable they did vent her she has big eyes and and a single nostril that does not appear to work.

I tried to leave this world today hemorraged lost most of my blood and plasma. Thank god for Dr Scott Peterson and the uvrmc staff. Along with my doula Megan Keller and her assistant Angie. I am very tired now thank you for all your prayers I feel they made a strong difference in mine and Tiannas outcome. She is still stable and a more normal color.

31 July

We(Aaron and I ) got to hold our precious Tianna a few moments ago we are so grateful for any time we get with this great big special spirit. Her little heart is not cramping enough so they started some med for that. She does have diabetes insiphadous but they are regulating that. She is still vented they want to keep her stable till we are ready to let her go.

1 Aug 

We had a family photo session with our Tianna today it was good. Tianna held up pretty well we are so grateful for the nicu team at uvrmc helping us acheive this with a vent. It was a great blessing. We have after much heart breaking decision making decided to un vent Tianna on Monday and let her return to heavenly father in her own time. She really is just waiting on us she has very minimal brain function. She does not see or hear she is still precious and beautiful. We don't believe she will live but a few moments off the vent and are exceptionally grateful for the time we have had.

 

2 Aug

Well sitting her wit my adorable daughter they took her off the heart contracting meds yesterday she seems to be doing ok without it but her heart rate is sitting at a consistent low from 101-109. She opened her eyes earlier and they are lovely. This picture is from when she was getting her hands and feet cast I get the feeling she did not like it much.

she loves to keep her head the other way so we need to keep turning her to the left. She opened her eyes really wide for me today. She also loves her hands in and by her mouth just like in all her ultra sound pictures 

Some special daddy time she even has been opened her eyes

3 Aug

Well we sure tried to cram a lifetime of memories into a day and a total 5 days. I am not ready for the day tomorrow but we will try to get the best experience we can. My princess had lots of visitors it was a busy day.

4 Aug

Well getting ready to remove vent what a trying time this has been in so many ways. At the same time it has been wonderful such a precious angel. It is difficult to let go we know she has a greater mission then just being with us. We have appreciated everyone's prayers and kind thoughts.

Tianna has gone home she went home to heaven at 6:15 pm after taking vent out about 3:40 pm. She passed at 4:03 pm. Then decided she wanted to let us know she really wanted to stay so at 4:30 pm she started to mouth breathe with heart rate 120 but very gaspy she did this for about 40 minutes then she started to quit breathing 5:15pm. She is such a powerful soul we love her and this is such a powerful experience we have been so blessed.

5 Aug

I have been kinda distressed today feeling like something is missing like I should be doing something. We went to the funeral home today to make final arrangements it was tough. We got to hold our baby again hard to believe she is gone. Such an angel I did not post yesterday but the second time she left it was to my oldest and I singing to her. I think we all needed that experience it was very healing. The following picture was taken shortly after she started to mouth breath we were so blessed to get very alive pictures of our baby she did have jaundice if you wonder about her coloring.

Some catch up posts

7-11-14
Well in a bit of a shock today went in for my 36 week ultra sound and baby Tianna is not really growing, my amniotic fluid is a bit high so she is not processing it as well as she was. Her heart rate is around 108 bpm which is highly worrisome. The Nicu says they would rather have a good heart rate and worry about lungs then other way around. They then asked us what our goals were and we have decided we would like to have her born alive if possible just to get to see her move and be here. They think that if her heart rate continues to drop she will not make it out of me alive. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I thought I would have 4 more weeks I feel totally not ready but worry if I wait to long I will loose her in the womb which could happen anyway PRAYERS greatly appreciated!!

7-13-14
Well what an emotional weekend. Baby Tianna is doing ok heart rate sitting about 112 I am so grateful to own a fetal monitor so I can not stress about it. Thanks Kim and Michael! We got those prenatal pictures done that was a special experience and will be treasured. We have agreed that We would like Tianna to be born alive if possible we will see what our Regular baby doctor thinks on Monday. I am not happy to have to be induced but that is the way the cookie crumbles. It is a life adjustment to think you have 4 weeks to less then one week all the things I thought I had time to accomplish now get to be crammed in. We laid out some basic plans for the graveside service yesterday just in case I have washed most of the baby things I have that we might need. 

7-14-14
Well it is scheduled I go in to soften my cervix Tuesday Night 6pm at UVRMC then they should start pit Wednesday morning. I am not ready this has all been a mess from the get go I am not used to being induced My babies are all 6 days over except Sav who was 12 days over. I dont like this at all at the same time what do you do? I want to meet my baby alive if possible and they tell me this is the best way as she is not growing and the heart rate issue. I will have to grin and bare it. I pray it works out the way it should and we get to spend some time with her. What a experience this has been. I hope never to repeat it.

7-16-14
Well it just goes to show it can be difficult to force nature. Induction failed we try again Monday.

Crazy week

What a crazy week my husband and I have been typing up his 9 month lesson plan outline. We had a big family thing for the 4th with his family. My doctor is out of town and really wants me to take it easy so as not to deliver early and especially while he is not here. I have days were I am just exhausted then others where I cant sleep much. Tianna is kicking up a storm still and frequently sets off severe braxton hicks. I am getting fairly anxious about birth I have the oddest feeling about it I dont know how you can be anxious and at peace at the same time but thats what I feel. My Doctor finally talked to the Nicu as they are hard to catch they told him they would vent Tianna if she made it through labor so I am relieved. This seems to be the last piece to help me feel I have done all I can to give Tianna the best outcome possible for all variables. Now whatever happens its in Gods hands (well it always was but...) I have done all I can do I feel like I have not slacked in trying to provide any help or service Tianna might require. The only struggle left is providing for the grave sites and her coffin for when she may pass from this world back to God.

An helpful appointment

Well been a bit busy my oldest 4th and son have started summer school and no its not any easier to get him to go to summer school then regular school. Tianna is still kicking away and seems to be doing fine. I switched to the family doctor to deliver at UVRMC he is a really nice doctor who takes time with you and makes you feel like a person. He had already contacted the nicu at the hospital by my appointment just 3 days after scheduling. I feel like I have done the best I can for Tianna's survival if it is so deemed to happen and have no regrets other then the lack of birthing tub  I have gotten permission to labor in water till my water breaks and then I can sit in the shower for a while so this will help. I have been swelling in my feet a bit and struggle with heart burn at night. My braxton hicks are getting stronger at night as usual. I still have my up and down moments or days but I can tell people about her condition without always bursting into tears so that is an improvement. I am getting very anxious about giving birth as I really would rather she could stay inside me safe were I can fill in for what she is lacking. However I do realize this is not very logical lol and I am sure God is probably anxious to have her do what he has planned for her till we meet again.

Maybe a hospital birth and some good news

well I set up an appointment with the midwives on 53rd I hope they can deliver Tianna as then she will have access to a NICU. I am very nervous my only hospital birth was my oldest and I did not really care for it. However we still feel we have to give Tianna every opportunity to live a bit. Back is feeling a bit better but I am sure its just the drugs we shall see after tomorrow how much pain I end up in still. I hope and pray I can function once again and it was just a flare up. Tianna is still kicking away her heart rate sits at 135 beats usually. I am making more lists of questions for midwives and perinatologists. Along with the ones I hope to ask the NICU staff.
My husband got his offical contract for teaching 5th grade at spectrum next year he is very excited. The only issue with be based on when Tianna comes she is due during his Mandatory training. They said they would work something out with him they are very understanding. I let my oldest drive her sister to 7th grade orientation all by herself it was a bit scary but she did very well so glad she can help.