Telling others

Well after you get over the shock a bit and the grief you get to figure out how to tell others especially extended family you dont want them to be blindsided. Also you have to consider the kids your kids ages the cousins as your kids will need someone to talk to other then you. We decided to write an email I could not tell them in person and get it out. We decided to tell them within the first week after we had told our children. I happen to have two sister in laws and a nephew all due with there first babies within a month of mine.  This will make it a bit difficult as they will have baby showers in the coming months and I will have a constant reminder of what my child would be like after she passes. I know I can do this because I am strong enough to face this challenge with heavenly fathers help, to much is at stake to fail this test. In the email I told them the condition how we were doing and that we did not want to be excluded because it might get uncomfortable. We might cry a bit but just ignore the tears and keep going we will be ok. We did not want the family to have to walk around on eggshells around us when they should be enjoying their first child experience. About half responded to our email right away the others did not know how to respond or what to say. They still love us they just needed more process time most have responded by now most in person to let us know they are there for us and feel our grief but did not know what to say.

I also think you need support you have got to have someone to turn to when the day threatens to overwhelm you with grief or sadness. For some this is a religious leader for others its a good friend and even if they dont truly understand at least they can listen. Also what your kids carefully they dont always want to share how difficult a time they are having especially the teens. In our state we have a wonderful program called angel watch they provide various services for grieving families of children who pass away under age 1. We are  set up for our first appointment so they can help us get some counseling and decide what we want for Tianna's birth. We also have our followup ultra sound this week and have made a huge list of questions we would like answered we just feel like the doctors tend to just give you doom and gloom instead of educating you on all the possibilities. We would like a MRI to see better what the brain is doing as it is very difficult to tell on ultra sounds. We need to know what areas are affected since her body looks fine. What it means since the test for trisomy 13 and 18 came back negative does this change her chances? What interventions do we consider? how many heroic measures do we do? Where do you draw the line between suffering and life?