An IEP

Had my oldest (16) iep today she is very smart and gifted. They did not really find a specific learning disability which is what she has always qualified for under english but she has learned how to adapt to this so it came out high this time for the first time since 6th grade she matches her IQ and other learning with ability. This was great I was glad we had pushed the Asperger testing last year as that is now what they qualified her for( well ASD) since her grades are not showing the same results as the tests. Her anxiety and depression has kicked into high gear from her aspergers and her disability that she normally has is still there a bit. Her written expression was the only thing on age level. The rest are clear into 21 years plus but most into her 30's. I wish I could help her get past her issues and tap that potential but alas you cant push to much or they stress. However she gets more even every year so maybe one day she will be able to tap into all that brain power and use it to the max :)
I guess the point of this blurb is I am glad she is getting better on the test but I currently feel guilty that I had not a clue that she had aspergers. I wonder if I had pushed and got her help earlier if we could have limited the impact it is having on her schooling and emotional life.
 Am I the only one who feels this way? I knew she was gifted from the age of like 3 but also knew at about 2nd grade that something was not clicking for her. I guess its always the hardest with the oldest they tend to be the guinea pig so to speak.

My son and an better ultra sound appointment

Well my son had a bad day at school yesterday he was way out of control he was poking kids tripping them etc. Today was my grandma's 90th birthday it was good nice to see some family and my sister Sharyl. 
Had another ultra sound today saw Julie A. Gainer, DO at UVRMC she is a really nice lady explained things very well gave me options and some things I could expect. Found out the NICU could do several things in the room for Tianna so she could be with us as much as possible. I really liked her Ultrasound technician too she was very well trained and so pleasant. Tianna seems to be processing amniotic fluid for now, kidneys, bladder and stomach are working. Heart is good so that is a good thing. She kicks up a storm and has her hands in her face alot. Her head had not enlarged due to water on the brain yet. I feel a lot less stressed.

Maybe a hospital birth and some good news

well I set up an appointment with the midwives on 53rd I hope they can deliver Tianna as then she will have access to a NICU. I am very nervous my only hospital birth was my oldest and I did not really care for it. However we still feel we have to give Tianna every opportunity to live a bit. Back is feeling a bit better but I am sure its just the drugs we shall see after tomorrow how much pain I end up in still. I hope and pray I can function once again and it was just a flare up. Tianna is still kicking away her heart rate sits at 135 beats usually. I am making more lists of questions for midwives and perinatologists. Along with the ones I hope to ask the NICU staff.
My husband got his offical contract for teaching 5th grade at spectrum next year he is very excited. The only issue with be based on when Tianna comes she is due during his Mandatory training. They said they would work something out with him they are very understanding. I let my oldest drive her sister to 7th grade orientation all by herself it was a bit scary but she did very well so glad she can help.

A bad day

Well its already been one of those days. Sigh! My baby puked first thing this morning. Then My son did not want to go to school so my oldest had to drag him kicking and screaming into school the looks from the other parents where great. The teacher promptly sent him to the principals office who then sent him with the counselor. Then baby puked again all over herself and the car seat. Then the stupid van driver window would not go up so I got to drive 30 minutes home with the window down on the freeway. What a nice hair doo. Then had to get baby cleaned up my back is killing me.

It was my youngest birthday last week she is now 3 WOW where does time go? I went to another doctor and he prescribed me Methylprosinone pack it seems to be helping some but he still did not want me to sit. I talked to him about my baby as he is a long time friend of the family. He said I have to decide how much intervention I want but to give Tianna the best chance for survival she should be born in a hospital. If I just want comfort care I can go ahead and home birth (he does think I am nuts to birth at home but he also knows its a thing he called it like a religion :)) I posted in my holoprosencephaly group trying to figure out what others have done. I believe he is probably right I just dont know how I am going to convince myself to do it. So many things I need I cant get at a hospital I dont want to end up with so many complications because doctors only show up the last 10 minutes. I so need my water I just dont know how to get around it. Well at least I have a bit of time to try to figure something out.

Pondering Tianna's Condition and a house of kids on Spectrum

Well Tianna still seems to be doing well she is a very strong kicker. She also has been getting hickups lately I wonder what she thinks about when she gets them. I wonder if they scare her. I wonder if because she is special God lets her see inside the womb and out. I wish she would just come get in my brain and let me know what choices I should make for her. I have 6 weeks till my next ultra sound and I wonder daily if they will find something else wrong with her or if she will even live that long. Wondering so many things daily can give you heart burn lol well its probably pregnancy but still. I have wondered after reading many posts in HoPE for families why some with Tiannas condition live even though they seem worse then she is. I decided its like wondering why some infants die of SIDS and some dont. There is just not a rhyme or reason for it.
As for my back it is a bit better but only if I dont do things I should be doing. Bending is not so good and sitting for long periods like longer then 10 min makes it ache something fierce. I worry that I will make it worse if I am not careful. However I still get up and move about the house but ohh what a pain it is to not pick things up. With 5 kids on the spectrum my house is a disaster they just are not great at cleaning up after themselves. Even if they do "clean" it is still not really clean at least it is better. I really want to mop the kitchen and organize My sons toys that have been scattered all over the living room for weeks. However I dont think that will happen anytime soon.

A Thing from facebook

What Makes A Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to God today I asked "What makes a Mother?" and I know I heard Him say 
"A Mother has a baby this we know is true. I asked, "But God can you be a Mother, when your baby's not with you?" 
"Yes, you can," He replied with confidence in His voice "I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice. 
Some I send for a lifetime, and others for the day. Some I send to feel your womb, but there's no need to stay."
"I just don't understand this God I want my baby to be here." He took a deep breath and cleared His throat, and then I saw the tear.
"I wish I could show you what your child is doing today. If you could see your child's smile with all the other children and say...
"We go to earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear. My mommy loved me oh so much, I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me. I learned my lessons very quickly my mommy set me free.
I miss my mommy oh so much but I visit her every day. When she goes to sleep, on her pillow is were I lay. I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
and whisper in her ear, Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here."
"So you see my dear sweet ones, your children are okay. Your babies are born here in My home and this is where they'll stay. They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lessons through and on the day that you come home they'll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother, it's the feeling in your heart. It's the love you had so much of right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize you are a mother until their time is done. They'll be up here with Me one day and know that you are the best one."

Back injuries and A new teen driver

Well having kinda a downer day I got up went to the restroom and leaned over to put something in a drawer and wham! I got the excruciating back pain that I immediately recognized or at least I am pretty sure based on symptoms. I have herniated a disk in my lower back UGH! I am now freaking out how am I going to give birth and carry a baby for 3 more months and 2 weeks with a freaking herniated disk? I am praying it is not as bad as that maybe its just my SI joints (I could get blessed right?) Now I am sitting here thinking how am I going to get this house clean I might be able to get the kids to do a bit if I lay on couch and supervise. SIGH!
Well  I have been trying to make plans on how to get my kids to school etc without me sitting. So my oldest got her Drivers license yesterday this enables her to do my running. It kinda scares me but I am between a rock and a hard place. So now I ride laying down with them just to watch till I feel secure  She really is a good driver I am just paranoid.