Some helps and school starting

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0079UVRU6?ie=UTF8&at=aw-iphone-pc-us-20&force-full-site=1&ref_=aw_bottom_links a good link for help with grieving

I got to meet the family I whose son I am donating breast milk to he is the cutest little guy. The family is very nice I really like them the mother is a sweet lady who has had child loss. We get each others grief. As I am on this new chapter in my life I find it odd that things like grief can help you form bonds with others that you would not have considered in your old you life. 
I am changing sometimes in odd ways. I am currently oddly attached to blankets. I have one they gave me at the hospital that never touched my baby but it is a nice size and I use it when sitting in the recliner and have used it since I came home. I did not realize I was so attached to it till it went missing two days ago I was a bit worried the first day. The second I was almost frantic to find it I thought one of the kids had used it for school. That second night I dreamed about the blanket for heavens sake so this morning I went on a massive hunt I knew I had to have it. I did find it and felt oddly better still I do find this need oddly disturbing.
I held my new niece today for the first time she was born 2 weeks and 3 days after my Tianna. I thought it would upset me to hold her so was a bit nervous. It did not really upset me it did however make me long to hold Tianna and set off that need that I am not doing something I should be again. This need does hit me at other times it is not bad just strange. I guess I will probably always have that but hopefully it will lessen a bit. Still at least I know I can hold babies and not want to steal them hahaha(well no more then usual who does not love babies?)

I went to see my Tiannas grave for the first time Tuesday after horse lessons I had my son, my second daughter and my youngest with me. I tried to explain where Tianna was but my youngest did not get it she wanted me to get Tianna out of the ground it made me want to cry she was so upset. 

I forgot to mention school started for my husband and son. My daughters have been in school for two weeks already and my oldest and third girls have tried out to be in a play. The girls are doing good other then my oldest was in seminary and they showed a film which would have been ok except at the end they had a family gathered around a baby/child grave. Set her on panic mode the rest of the day. My husband is in a brand new Charter school teaching 5th grade the school specializes in Autism spectrum students. Needless to say the first week has been interesting but he loves it. My son does not like school anymore now then he did at the end of last year SIGH! We are hoping he adjusts a bit more since the school specializes in ASD. My oldest has been driving the kids and hubby to schools she is awesome. I did have massive anxiety about letting her they say its due to loosing a baby it makes you more anxious about the others. She makes quite the trip she drives daddy and her brother to one city north then drives 4 cities south picks up the sister that has been staying with my mom and takes them all to school.
I have a daughter staying with my mom as she suffers from arrhythmia where her heart speeds and slows for long periods of the day especially when she gets stressed. She only needs a little help and I found I could not do it with the baby coming and cant currently. So a good solution has been I have had one of my older 4 daughters down there to help her all summer. Currently I have one daughter staying each week they help her do her laundry, keep her company when my dad is gone, take care of dogs and make sure she eats. This has been a big relief from my worries my girls are so awesome I know this has been a challenge for them as my mom can get panicy when she is experiencing these arrhythmia.